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Today is the 7th day Brendan has been gone. Let me tell you… I am struggling. He is spending tw0 weeks at his dad’s, with a visit home to us Wed. July 22nd. Joe thought this might be beneficial to Brendan; allowing him the opportunity to see what his daily life consists of vs. coming only on his scheduled visits with a few days added here and there.
First things first, I have never been away from him this long!!! When he was born, I couldn’t bear to let him out of my sight, let alone now having him leave my home for two weeks. I will never forget the first time I had to come to terms with this situation. Brendan was 6 months old, and Grandma Jill, Joe’s mom, insisted that he be allowed to stay overnight with them. I was breastfeeding at the time still, and was rather opposed. She insisted, and assured me he’d be fine with formula. That was one of the longest nights of my life. Not being able to care for your little one, to rock them, to see the excitement in their eyes when you walked in to get them from their sleep. I made it until 9a.m. the next morning when I got into my car and drove to get him.
If only I could do that now. I would have driven to Joe’s on Sunday as usual and brought him home. Home. Our Home. The older Brendan gets, the more challenging this becomes. We have been enduring a lot of behavioral issues with him, and it is more challenging every time he goes from one home to the other. The inconsistency he experiences in everyday life and the expectations being placed upon him from household to household. I will be the first to say that I am very strict with him, but only because I want him to be a successful young man. I want him to have solid morals and values, to know the rights and wrongs of life, to be able to experience life to its fullest without regret. I know he will make mistakes, we all do. That is part of life. The beauty of it, I hope, is that he will be strong enough to learn from his mistakes, in turn making himself a better person. I am so proud of him. He is a wonderful young man, and we have endured many obstacles. I wouldn’t be the person I am today if it weren’t for Brendan being a part of my life when he was. Now it is helping him through the mistakes that I made, which are proving to be a challenge for all of us… sharing him with another family.
How do you share one of the most important people in your life? Up until this point, I have been numb to the reality of our routine. “It’s Wednesday Brendan; don’t forget you’re going to your dad’s.” “This weekend we can’t have that play date, you are at your dad’s.” Now it is at a totally different level. Having him gone for two weeks is out of my league. I know that is an adjustment I will have to make as he gets older, becomes more involved in sports and friends… but right now? It takes me back to all the simple moments you get to experience as a mother. Everything from waking up in the morning and having breakfast together, our bike rides, playing tennis, to sleepovers. Speaking of which, he planned for us the night before he left for Joe’s. Mind you, he has grown a lot the last year, and sharing a bed with him can be quite challenging. We shared a TWIN BED!!! He tried so hard to stay to one side, making sure I was comfortable with plenty of room. It was just like old times. I bought that bunk bed when he was three years old. We were living at my parents and I told him to go to his room. He assertively blurted back to me, “I don’t have a room!” It took me a moment to process, but then I realized how selfish I had been and the sacrifices I had been asking him to make by sharing my bedroom. That weekend I went and bought his bedroom set, and we shared the bunk beds for the next three years.
What it all comes down to is finding a way to push through these agonizing experiences of having to let your child go and be with the other parent for long periods of time. Allowing yourself to understand that your child is going to make memories that you aren’t a part of, and that it is ok. As hard as it may seem, I will always be his mommy, and no one can take that bond away from us. We just have to work harder during the time we have to embrace our moments together, not take them for granted. Time seems to keep moving faster every year, as he will be going into third grade this September. Third grade!! He wants to be a major league baseball player when he grows up, though I am sure that will change in the coming years… he is still an amazing artist, and doodles all the time. The world is in his hands. Only time will tell. I just hope he remembers that his home is always here, and I anxiously await his arrival.
First things first, I have never been away from him this long!!! When he was born, I couldn’t bear to let him out of my sight, let alone now having him leave my home for two weeks. I will never forget the first time I had to come to terms with this situation. Brendan was 6 months old, and Grandma Jill, Joe’s mom, insisted that he be allowed to stay overnight with them. I was breastfeeding at the time still, and was rather opposed. She insisted, and assured me he’d be fine with formula. That was one of the longest nights of my life. Not being able to care for your little one, to rock them, to see the excitement in their eyes when you walked in to get them from their sleep. I made it until 9a.m. the next morning when I got into my car and drove to get him.
If only I could do that now. I would have driven to Joe’s on Sunday as usual and brought him home. Home. Our Home. The older Brendan gets, the more challenging this becomes. We have been enduring a lot of behavioral issues with him, and it is more challenging every time he goes from one home to the other. The inconsistency he experiences in everyday life and the expectations being placed upon him from household to household. I will be the first to say that I am very strict with him, but only because I want him to be a successful young man. I want him to have solid morals and values, to know the rights and wrongs of life, to be able to experience life to its fullest without regret. I know he will make mistakes, we all do. That is part of life. The beauty of it, I hope, is that he will be strong enough to learn from his mistakes, in turn making himself a better person. I am so proud of him. He is a wonderful young man, and we have endured many obstacles. I wouldn’t be the person I am today if it weren’t for Brendan being a part of my life when he was. Now it is helping him through the mistakes that I made, which are proving to be a challenge for all of us… sharing him with another family.
How do you share one of the most important people in your life? Up until this point, I have been numb to the reality of our routine. “It’s Wednesday Brendan; don’t forget you’re going to your dad’s.” “This weekend we can’t have that play date, you are at your dad’s.” Now it is at a totally different level. Having him gone for two weeks is out of my league. I know that is an adjustment I will have to make as he gets older, becomes more involved in sports and friends… but right now? It takes me back to all the simple moments you get to experience as a mother. Everything from waking up in the morning and having breakfast together, our bike rides, playing tennis, to sleepovers. Speaking of which, he planned for us the night before he left for Joe’s. Mind you, he has grown a lot the last year, and sharing a bed with him can be quite challenging. We shared a TWIN BED!!! He tried so hard to stay to one side, making sure I was comfortable with plenty of room. It was just like old times. I bought that bunk bed when he was three years old. We were living at my parents and I told him to go to his room. He assertively blurted back to me, “I don’t have a room!” It took me a moment to process, but then I realized how selfish I had been and the sacrifices I had been asking him to make by sharing my bedroom. That weekend I went and bought his bedroom set, and we shared the bunk beds for the next three years.
What it all comes down to is finding a way to push through these agonizing experiences of having to let your child go and be with the other parent for long periods of time. Allowing yourself to understand that your child is going to make memories that you aren’t a part of, and that it is ok. As hard as it may seem, I will always be his mommy, and no one can take that bond away from us. We just have to work harder during the time we have to embrace our moments together, not take them for granted. Time seems to keep moving faster every year, as he will be going into third grade this September. Third grade!! He wants to be a major league baseball player when he grows up, though I am sure that will change in the coming years… he is still an amazing artist, and doodles all the time. The world is in his hands. Only time will tell. I just hope he remembers that his home is always here, and I anxiously await his arrival.
